Category Archives: Personal

Workplace Bullying

When you hear about bullying, what does it make you think of? Does it bring back bad memories of your time at school?

According to research carried out in 2016 by one of the largest anti-bullying charities in the world, Ditch the Label, between 50 and 60% of young people aged between 12 and 20 in the UK will have experienced some form of bullying in the last year. That, to me, is a frighteningly large percentage, especially knowing that both G and M form part of those statistics; and so do I. Any child who has experienced bullying hopes that it will end when they have new friends, or find themselves in a new class, or when their time at that particular school draws to a close. You also assume that once you’ve grown up and have left education behind you, the bullying will stop, but sadly that’s not always the case. The statistics regarding workplace bullying are much harder to pinpoint, but a Forbes survey in the USA suggested that up to 75% of workers are affected by bullying and a 2015 ACAS study here in the UK revealed the undeniable truth that workplace bullying is on the increase and that many people are too afraid to talk about it.

Having struggled with bullying throughout my school years, I never dreamed that I might experience it again in adulthood and when I came up against workplace bullying the first time, it took me a while to realise and acknowledge it and then to find the courage to deal with it. M had just been born and, due to the difficulties of my pregnancy and his subsequent early arrival, I wanted to work closer to home, finding what seemed to be the perfect job in a small accountancy practice almost literally across the road from where we lived. Unfortunately, the reality of being verbally belittled and my capability as an accountant questioned in front of my colleagues on a daily basis was destructive and I eventually found myself seeking to escape that unhealthy work environment. It was only at the point of handing in my notice that I felt able to be honest with my boss about his bullying behaviour and whilst he was apologetic as he hadn’t realised his words were so damaging, that work relationship had been destroyed and I needed to move on.

I’ve been lucky since then to find myself in jobs working with some truly lovely people, who have been there to build me back up and consequently I have seen my confidence and self-belief soar. Despite what people might think, I am naturally an introvert and am most definitely not a fan of confrontation, but I’ve learned to stand my ground, speak out for myself and defend not just my decisions, but also those of my children and my colleagues. That shy, insecure little girl who wouldn’t say boo to goose still hides inside, but I’ve discovered a strength to speak up and speak out even in situations where my more natural instinct would be to run away and hide, hoping that someone else would be the one to voice their opinions.

Which is why it’s so difficult to believe that in the past year, I have found myself a victim of workplace bullying once again and in a position where it has been much more difficult to address than I could ever imagine. Sly comments questioning the professional ability of both me and my staff, carefully cloaked in phrases that could be excused away as being mis-construed by the individual they were aimed at as well as more blatant challenges of my financial decisions for the business in management meetings that have been ignored by our Executive Director have become an unavoidable part of my working week. Added to that is the deliberate exclusion of me and my team members from a number of workplace events and meetings, some far more significant than others. Exclusion is, without a doubt, one of the hardest types of bullying to deal with and whether I’m my insecure 12-year-old self or a more confident version at 40, it still eats away at what little self-belief I’ve managed to hold on to over the years.

These behaviours have left me struggling to be my usual positive and sunny self in the office, as inside I’ve been slowly crumbling to pieces. I do have a tendency to believe the very best of people, so it’s no surprise that initially I genuinely didn’t think this was a deliberate attempt to whittle away my self-esteem. The gradual realisation that nearly all of these actions have been carried out intentionally, although I still wholeheartedly think that they are reflective of the individual’s own insecurities and a need to defend her role in the business, means that I have distanced myself as much as I possibly can and will not leave myself vulnerable if at all possible.

Of course, my response now is far different to what it was as a child and yet the effects of those experiences are the same. I have been left feeling ignored, belittled and unappreciated and the deliberate decision by my direct line manager to whitewash over what is going on and excuse the behaviour of this bully as being stress-related has naturally impacted on the ongoing working relationship I have with both him and this workplace bully. I feel as if my concerns have been deemed ridiculous, unimportant and as an over-sensitive reaction on my part, which leaves me questioning just how long I can reasonably remain in this post. Unbelievably our workplace policy on bullying requires that “….Initially a member of staff should request that the bully should stop, explaining how it makes them feel either face-to-face or by writing a personal letter or email…“, something I honestly believe no-one being bullied would be able to do, especially when the most senior members of management so blatantly excuse and support the bully along the way.  It takes unbelievable courage to be able to talk openly and honestly about how you’re feeling about decisions being taken in the workplace and, in my opinion, remarkable cowardice on the part of management to dismiss what’s being said as an irrational response.

I don’t know what the next 12 months will bring when it comes to my career, but finding the courage to speak out both in the workplace and on my blog has empowered me more than I ever thought possible. Workplace bullying is real and we should never forget or ignore that truth.

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All Different, All Equal

This week is Anti-bullying week and this year the campaign has adopted the tagline “All different, All equal” to promote difference and equality in schools. As the Anti-bullying Alliance’s website states, the idea behind this is to “…help children and young people celebrate what makes them, and others, unique and help them understand why it’s important that every child feels included in school able to be themselves without fear of bullying...” This has struck a particularly resonant chord with me as feeling different to classmates is something that not only do I recall from my own school days, but something I am aware both G and M have felt over the years.

For me, and let me be brutally honest right now, I hated every moment of living with T1D as a teen. Not only was I having to deal with the challenges of impending adulthood and puberty like all of my peers, but my T1D added another layer to the emotional mix that I really didn’t want to have to face. At school I felt like the odd man out. I didn’t really know anyone else my age with T1D and I was the first diabetic in my school. I suffered extreme teenage angst about not being able to buy sweets and chocolate from the break-time tuck shop and that seemingly small thing became a massive problem that I struggled to overcome. My friends accepted my differences far more readily than I did and yet I felt alienated from them. My own anxieties and poor self-image became mountains I just couldn’t scale, particularly when some of the other girls in my school year began to exclude me from friendships that had been there since I was little and threw cruel words in my direction which hit incredibly deep.  Whether they had truly identified my lack of self-esteem as an easy target for their unkind comments and actions or not, I can still recall just how devastating that time in my life was for me. I’m sure that I was not on my own with those feelings, but I felt isolated in a world that seemed to be quite happy without me.

Sadly, G struggled similarly during her Infant school years when so-called friends who had helped ease her move to a new school, discovered that her health issues could be used as a taunt against her and caused her unbelievable emotional pain. Thanks to a fantastic and supportive Year 2 teacher, G was encouraged to tackle the bullies and their behaviour head-on and she learned to stand up for herself, something I didn’t learn until I was much, much older. I know that her gluten- and dairy-free diet still makes her feel too different to the rest of her tutor group for comfort and she has struggled with sticking to the restrictions, especially when her friends are enjoying treats that she would love to be able to eat. We’ve worked to fill her lunchbox with foods and snacks that make her feel a little more “normal” and a part of the crowd, and I will continue to hope that this doesn’t become a cause for bullying as she moves her way through secondary school.

Likewise, M’s complex medical needs have left him being subjected to cruel words and unkind actions in the past, something that is not unusual in the world of chronic illness. Whether it is an obvious physical difference, or something more hidden like T1D or allergies, the sad truth is that children can, and will, be cruel. All children are fighting to find their place in the world and will look to find their footing without regard for those surrounding them and especially not for their feelings. As parents we need to teach our children about the beauty in diversity and encourage them to be kind in their thoughts and deeds. My children are wonderfully unique as are their friends and that is something to embrace wholeheartedly and without reservation. This year I will be making sure that they understand the truth in these words: All different, all equal.

I Am Not a Badge of Honour

I am not a badge of honour,

I am not a racist smear,

I am not a fashion statement to be worn but once a year,

I am not glorification of conflict or of war.

I am not a paper ornament or a token,

I am more.

I am a loving memory of a father or son,

A mother, a sister or daughter each and every one.

I am paper or enamel,

I am old or shining new,

I am a way of saying thank you,

To every one of you.

I am a single poppy, a reminder to you all,

That courage, faith and honour will stand where heroes fall.

– Paul Hunter – 

   

Perfect Faces for Radio

Looking back this evening at some of the photos taking up the precious memory that’s left on my phone, I’ve realised that there have been so many things that I haven’t quite got round to sharing with my blog. As you’ll have noticed, my foray back into the world of full-time work after being made redundant almost a year ago has meant that I just don’t have the time to dedicate to writing 2 or more blog posts a week, but I still want to share many of our recent experiences and so the updates may take just a little longer to arrive on your screens than before.

The first looks back to May, when every year we mark National Eosinophil Awareness Week and for the last 4 years, a big part of my campaign to raise awareness has involved live appearances on our local BBC radio station, talking all things EGID and answering questions surrounding the inevitable interest about M’s extremely restricted diet. Whilst it is always a challenge to think on my feet and answer questions without any prior warning about what the presenter might ask, I relish the opportunity to spend 20 minutes speaking about EGID and what it means to our family to live with it day in, day out to those listening within our regional broadcast area. I have spent 5 years being extremely grateful to those within the EGID community who have been honest about their experiences and take the time to support those who are newly diagnosed and often looking for an understanding that the medical community jut can’t offer. Sharing our story, both through my blog on a regular basis and through these occasional newspaper articles and radio appearances, are my way of giving something back to our EGID family, new members and old.

This year I wanted to change the dynamics of that radio interview if I could and so asked if I could bring G and M along to our local BBC studio to talk about what living with EGID means to them. The radio presenter and his team were more than happy to agree and so it was that on one rather glorious Monday morning, I found myself heading into town with an excited M and somewhat apprehensive G in tow. They had slight nerves that they didn’t know in advance what questions might be asked, but M had sought advice from his Stagecoach drama teacher the previous week and was confident that he knew how to develop his responses to any closed answer questions to avoid giving one word answers. I’ll be honest, I did have some concerns about both children speaking live on local radio: I wasn’t convinced that G would break from her current monosyllabic, teen state and had absolutely no idea what might come out of M’s mouth at any moment. In both cases, I would be hard pushed to exert any sort of control over them once we were on air, except by thoroughly preparing them on our car journey there and then reminding them of my expectations through meaningful glances and subtle eyebrow raises across the microphones!

To my delight, both children were absolute stars and whilst, unsurprisingly, M took to the experience like a duck to water, even G found her confidence to answer some of the questions and we had only one awkward silence to contend with during the 20+ minutes of our appearance. The children spoke clearly and slowly to make sure they could be understood and took their time to give well-thought out answers without leaving the listeners waiting for the dead air to be filled. They both loved every moment of it and have expressed an interest in finding out more about possible future careers that would see them working for the BBC, though G was fascinated by the research being done for the different news programmes and M has a yearning to explore the life of a TV camera man. My big thanks go to our local radio station who were prepared to take a chance on interviewing G and M live on air and for giving us, yet again, the opportunity to spread the word about EGID far and wide.

#40thcelebrations

It will come as no great surprise to many of you when I say that February 2017 has been all about the #40thcelebrations in our household. Last year, I marked the occasion of 30 years living side by side with T1D, so this year it only seemed fitting that I celebrated with equal clamour that next big milestone in my life: hitting the big 4-0. c5ao3diwmaatk4uI am a huge fan of celebrating birthdays in style and you will often find the birthday cards in our house hanging around for a good 2 or 3 weeks past the notable date itself. Unlike my husband, and possibly much to his disappointment, I don’t likeabsolutely hate…’m not so keen on surprises and would much prefer being involved in the planning, to a greater or lesser extent, of any significant occasion. The plans for celebrating my 40th this year were no different.

When I turned 30, there were 2 destinations I wanted to visit, Las Vegas and New York. We discussed at length where we would go and settled on Las Vegas, with the clear understanding that only New York would do when it came to turning 40. The last 12 months or so have been filled with booking, researching and planning the finer details of our perfect trip to this iconic city and since just before Christmas, the excitement has gradually been building. Thanks to my Mum, we were able to spend an entire week in the USA and even managed to tag on a couple of extra days at the beginning to be part of the judging panels for this year’s Free From Food Awards. Her generosity meant we could take full advantage of travelling without children and fitted the trip in before we hit the price hikes of February half-term.

c3p22qjweaihqonWe decided to travel with Virgin Atlantic, from whom we have had great customer service in the past and again were not disappointed, especially when they marked my birthday with a couple of complimentary glasses of bubbles and bars of chocolate on the flights. We also chose to book our hotel and city passes as part of a Virgin holidays package and settled on the Hotel Beacon for our stay. Located on the Upper West Side of NYC and within 5 minutes walking distance of Central Park, the Hotel Beacon was a fantastic choice and we loved everything about it. As well as being able to walk to Central Park, we were also able to walk the couple of blocks to the 72nd subway station and were surrounded by a great selection of cafes and restaurants to try. What we particularly liked was the fact that the rooms have fully equipped kitchenettes, which may have only had a limited use for our stay this time, but would be perfect for when travelling with anyone with food allergies who might want to prepare safe food themselves.

img_34951Our trip was understandably dominated by our sightseeing plans and we did pretty much everything we wanted with a few added extras thrown in for good measure along the way. I’d be hard-pushed to narrow down my favourite part as everything we did was gloriously marvellous in their own unique ways. Mike loved seeing the architecture of the city, from the splendour of the Empire State Building and the Chrysler Building, to the stunning beauty of the interior of Grand Central Station and the sheer engineering magnitude of the Statue of Liberty. One of Mike’s favourite parts was, without doubt, our Sunday spent on Ellis Island, where he was able to track down the immigration paperwork for when his mother and her family moved from Jamaica to Canada by way of NYC in the late 1940s.
img_35731I loved our wander through Central Park, both in the blazing sunshine and then again in the snow as we made our way to the Frick Collection, a fabulous small museum containing some leading Old Master paintings and sculptures. Around every corner we stumbled across yet another masterpiece and I am so grateful to my colleague who recommended this as an ideal way to spend a couple of hours seeing these well-known pieces of art. Thanks to our open bus city tour, we also discovered, to my absolute delight, where we could see the original Winnie-the-Pooh and friends given to Christopher Robin Milne before they became the inspiration for that much-loved children’s classic, a visit that took up hardly any of our time and yet was a worthwhile stop for this literature fan. In stark contrast, we spent a long afternoon at the 9/11 Memorial, a hauntingly heart-breaking and harrowing museum to visit, which did an amazing job in walking the visitor through both the timeline as it unfurled on the day and the stories of great heroism and unbelievable tragedy.

Our week-long stay was a truly fantastic way to celebrate my 40th year and there is so much more that I’ll be sharing over the next few blog posts.

New Year Resolutions

Two weeks into 2017 and, for some, their good intentions may already be beginning to waver as the grey skies, endless rain and post-Christmas blues sap away any enthusiasm that might have existed at that moment of pressure when they were asked by a well-meaning friend or work colleague what their New Year resolutions were. Love them or hate them,newyearsresolution you’ve probably got an opinion of them, even if it’s just that they’re not worth doing as only the very few manage to keep to their chosen goal.

Last year, Mike and I both had resolutions, though of very differing types and whilst I was fully aware of what Mike was planning to do, I set myself a goal that I chose not to share with anyone. Mike’s resolution for 2016 was to extend his previous challenges of giving up alcohol during Lent by trying to be dry every other weekend throughout the year. He sensibly took the approach that there would undoubtedly be occasions when he would want to drink 2 weekends in a row, so was flexible in managing it, sometimes choosing to abstain for 2 weeks before drinking for 2 weeks. It seemed to work well and he was delighted that he reached the end of the year having managed to stick to his resolution for the full 52 weeks.

In comparison, mine was a blog-based goal and one that I was secretly hoping to achieve and would monitor throughout the months to see if I was still on track to succeed. The one thing I love about the blogging platform that I use and something that really appeals to my accountant’s heart, is the statistics I can access and drill into on a regular basis. As well as showing me my daily hit rates and what posts are proving particularly popular, I can also compare and contrast my monthly statistics and averages since I first started writing nearly 4 years ago.  In my first 10 months, I achieved nearly 6,000 views, whilst the following 2 years saw me hitting the heady heights of over 11,000 blog post reads over the year. Last January I decided I wanted to break the 12,000 mark and set myself a target of 1,000 hits a month to reach it. Some months it was close with the lowest read rate being 1,030 in March, whereas other months were hugely successful including a 2016 high of 2,396 in August. My year-end goal of 12,000 was well and truly met and I can confirm Successthat I actually achieved over 16,000 hits in the year, something I never really thought possible when I started blogging in 2013. I haven’t set myself a NY resolution for years, so it was a fantastic feeling when I finally passed that last 1,000 mark in December and could quietly pat myself on the back.

This year our household has taken something of a mixed approach to the whole matter of resolutions, being firmly split between 2 distinct camps: those who do (Mike and G) and those who don’t (M and me). I’m not going to publicly share the resolution decisions of my loved ones at this stage in the game, though I promise to let you all know if they manage to achieve what they’re planning to do as and when they reach their end goal. As for me, well it’s not strictly true that I haven’t set myself a resolution, but rather a year’s goal that is to successfully juggle the new pressures of blog writing, awards judging, T1D managing, parenting and full-time working so that I can do enough in each area and hopefully fail at none. My focus is having to be sharpened at the moment to ensure that none of the balls is dropped and I guess only time will tell how successful I can actually be. Of course, I will undoubtedly share my progress on my blog.

How about you? Have you started 2017 with a resolution or goal in place? I hope that if you have you’ve managed to keep it so far and that you have continued success with it!

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Celebrating Christmas 2016

It may only be the second week of January, but Christmas already feels like a lifetime ago and the memories are already fading fast. December was yet again an interesting month for our family and whilst we had irrefutable success at keeping M out of hospital, we had enough other medical crises to more than meet our quota for the year. As I have already shared, December started with a huge scare about my remaining sight when I was incorrectly told that I needed urgent laser surgery to sort out the developing diabetic retinopathy in my right eye. The hugely positive outcome that in fact the diagnosis was wrong and no treatment was required was a massive relief, but those first 2 weeks of Christmas planning were overshadowed by the frightening threat of surgery that loomed over the household.

img_3185Our medical dramas didn’t stop there. Mike took a tumble from his bike back in October when he was cycling to our local train station on his way to work and has been complaining of severe pain in his left shoulder ever since. The initial thoughts were that he may have torn his rotator cuff and so was referred onto a physiotherapist who, as well as recommending a heady combination of co-codamol and naproxen to ease the inflammation and pain, made his own referral for an MRI to be done as soon as possible. Mike had that MRI at the start of December and by the middle of the month had received a letter stating that it looked like he had a possible “avulsion fracture of the greater tuberosity of the humerus“, but that it would need to be reviewed by a consultant to confirm diagnosis. That diagnosis has now been confirmed and further complicated by the onset of frozen shoulder, a common occurrence following this type of injury. Last week Mike was treated with a cortisone injection and is already beginning to feel some of the symptoms beginning to ease a little, though we have been told it could take a number of months for his shoulder to recover completely. He struggled with taking the co-codamol and a switch to Tramadol has helped massively there. Unfortunately, despite skipping a dose of the Tramadol so that he could enjoy a glass of something with Christmas lunch, the alcohol and painkiller combination didn’t really work and he spent a lot of Christmas Day asleep, which didn’t go down well with most of my family!

img_13241As for M, well he was looking forward to celebrating his big sister’s birthday at home with her for the first time in 3 years as well as taking part in all of the end-of-term Christmas activities being held at school. Unfortunately, once again his health took a nosedive as he came down with both ‘flu and tonsillitis during that last week and was really quite poorly for a few days. We knew he wasn’t well when he decided not to go to our local pantomime with us and instead stayed at home and in bed with my Mum for the evening. The necessary course of antibiotics took their toll on his system and we found ourselves taking a few steps back from our hard-won gains from the last few months. M has gone back to school recovered to generally good health and eager for the term ahead.

img_13361Despite these small hiccups to keep us on our toes, we celebrated the festive period in style. Christmas was spent with my family down in South Wales, where we were able to enjoy a refreshing walk around the nearby reservoir in fine Boxing Day tradition. Both children were thrilled with the presents they received and have been engrossed in listening to their new CDs – Olly Murs for G and Pentatonix for M – or reading their new books, as well as the inevitable time spent playing on the Wii U that was M’s main present. This last has proved to be a real opportunity for the children to work together and pool their resources as they were keen to buy a Disney Infinity starter pack with additional characters and spent a lot of time researching and budgeting before asking me to help them buy their final choices with their pocket-money. We’ve been ice-skating, saw New Year in with friends, managed a return visit to the pantomime so M could see it too, gone on walks and spent time together as a family. All in all, the perfect end to 2016.

Enjoying a little Olly Murs!

Enjoying a little Olly Murs!