Resilience: the ability to become strong, healthy or successful again after something bad happens.
What an amazing quality to possess and one that we’d all to like to develop, especially when times are tougher than we ever imagined they could be. Without a shadow of doubt, the EGID diagnosis has forced us all – and by us, I don’t just mean our family, but all those families living with EGID – to become incredibly resilient, even when we’re dealing with bad situations that have nothing to do with this illness itself. During last year’s NEAW, I wrote about being an EGID Mum and the heartbreak that I had been struggling with because of M’s broken leg and the lost opportunities that resulted from it. This year, the current uncertainty surrounding the validity of the EGID label has once again pushed Mike and me to our limits as we grapple with the challenge of managing the health of our child, physical and mental, whilst also dealing with the unavoidable “elephant in the room” of that unanswerable question mark about his diagnosis whenever we attend gastro appointments that seem to try and avoid using EGID as a valid reason for his current struggles. We are not the only parents who find themselves in this position as conversations amongst our EGID friends and extended family show.
Life has taught me to be resilient, to be a strong woman who’s not afraid to face up to whatever is thrown at me, even if sometimes I need to pause and take breath before I can fully deal with it all. It sometimes feels as if I’ve been put through more than most: my T1D diagnosis on my 9th birthday, losing my Dad before he had a chance to get to know my children and the threat of further sight loss last Christmas; and yet somehow I’ve managed to find my way through it all. As a family we’ve certainly had more than our fair share of chronic illnesses to contend with – T1D, EGID, Cancer, Parkinson’s, MS, Alzheimer’s disease to name a few – but they’ve taught us all one thing: that we can survive. In fact we can do more than survive, we can still have positive, purposeful lives and can definitely live and enjoy life to the full.
As a Mum, I’m proud to see the resilience that my children are building themselves, even though it is heartbreaking to realise the reasons they’ve needed to develop this character trait so early on. But their unquestionable resilience to life’s challenges, doesn’t mean that they are immune to the insensitive, hurtful and thoughtless comments of others as became patently obvious this week. M is going through a tough patch right now and we don’t really know why. We expected the anxiety of his SATS last week to affect his gastro health and returned to his simple 6-food diet to try to reduce the stresses on his body. This week has seen a real relapse in many of his symptoms and we’re struggling to see the light at the end of this immediate tunnel. I know, in that way that Mums do, that this change in events was playing on his mind, but I didn’t realise just how much until yesterday.
Yesterday, we were talking about his school year group and in particular, the jokes and insults currently being traded amongst the Year 6 boys. I reminded him that he needed to ignore those comments as best he could and instead focus on the strengths of his friendships and the fun they’re now having that SATS are finally out of the way. It was then that he paused in reflection before saying:
“…I know Mummy, which is why I’m sure X was making it up when he said that his Mum had said that she’s sick of seeing me in the local paper all time because I haven’t been and anyways, I don’t think that his Mum would have said that….would she…?”
I had to take a moment to compose my own thoughts before giving a careful and considered reply because I knew that the very fact that he had mentioned it to me meant that he was more bothered by this seemingly throwaway comment that he wanted to admit. In all honesty, I can’t answer why that Mum said that, though I can make some intelligent assumptions behind her reasoning and am certain that she never expected her child to come into school and say it directly to my son. It just shows that we need to be careful about what we say to, and in front of, our children and encourage them to be kind in their words to others.
I reminded M that our intentions are good. We’re actively trying to raise some much-needed awareness about EGID and that the annual fundraising events that he’s held at school have been the result of us proactively asking to organise them. I’m not ashamed to speak out loud about a condition that impacts us every day and I don’t want M to feel that he needs to hide the reality of what he goes through. However, he also knows he can share as much or as little as he chooses about his daily life and that there will never be pressure from us to do more than he’s comfortable with doing.
We’re lucky. Having spoken out loud to me, and then later to Mike, about this comment, M has forgotten all about it and has happily got on with the rest of his week. His ability to bounce back after a ill-considered remark that obviously cut deep is admirable and truly reflects the resilient young man he is growing up to be. Today both children have proudly gone into school wearing an element of pink to raise awareness amongst their friends. M’s “Dress up as your hero or superhero” day for Over The Wall is currently under way and he was excited to see what his friends would be wearing – he has gone as his very own hero, Ryan (the doughnut man) from Borough22. Most of all, we’ve all done our bit this week to show this disease just how resilient we are and I’m proud to acknowledge that many in the global EGID community have done so too.
This year we have decided to continue our support of the amazing charity, Over The Wall and their camps. If you’re able to donate even a very small amount, please follow this link to my Virgin Money Giving Page where your donation will help more children living with chronic illness like G and M by giving them and their families a chance to enjoy some much-needed time away from it all.