18 years ago, as we waited for you to finally arrive, I wondered what I would want to share with you when this day came: what stories we’d have to tell, memories to reminisce on or words of wisdom for you to take with you as you stepped out into the adult world.
I’m still considering even now what knowledge I can usefully share, what words will express the depth of love we have for you…will always have for you and how we will support you as best we can as you find and take the next step of your journey.
I know to share that we loved you from the first moment we knew we were expecting you.
Felt awe when I first felt your kick, reminding me of your presence even though I was yet to meet you.
Fell more in love with you the first time I held you in my arms with a fierce protective love that only grew stronger as I fed and comforted you in the middle of the night; and every day since.
Worried about you, fought battles you never knew were there and made the best decisions we could to keep protecting you and allowing you to grow to be who you were meant to be.
I’ve watched you grow and change from a contented baby to a awesome big sister and now, on the cusp of adulthood, a young woman I’m proud to call my daughter.
Is that enough? I still don’t know, but as we celebrate your 18th birthday today, know that we love you, always have and always will.
Love you always sweetheart xxx

M-friendly apple and pear cupcakes, a batch of G-friendly vanilla cupcakes and I’m currently struggling with the chocolate brownie sponges that are refusing to be moved from the cake tins. There’s 2 lots of icing to sort out, decorations to be finalised and they all need to be applied to the cakes themselves, but I’m delighted to find myself spending this winter evening like this.
that my sense of humour is very much in tact. It was with a wry smile that G and I summoned a black cab to take us to GOSH on Sunday from the train station, not for a visit to a hospital-bound younger brother, but this time for the final
It feels even more special this year as my baby girl, my precious first-born, hits the start of her teen years and all the emotions that those have to bring. In the proverbial blink of an eye, my December 2003 baby is turning 13 and in front of me stands a beautiful young lady, with a little more attitude and grumpiness than I would have chosen, but with a kind heart, generous spirit and the most loyal friendship on offer that you could ask for. She is growing up fast and we are quickly losing sight of the easy-going, chatty toddler that she was as an opinionated, independence-seeking, moody teenager appears in her place. She can slam doors with the best of them and her stomping feet can make it feel as if the kitchen ceiling is about to come down at any moment – and indeed it pretty much has done. These days she brooks no nonsense from her little brother and yet she will defend him to the hilt when it comes to it and is there to comfort and hug even when he doesn’t want it. She’s looking to make sense of a world that often doesn’t and is trying to understand how to interpret the nuances when it would be so much easier if everything was clearer defined in black and white. She can be the much-needed splash of colour in a reality that is all too often dark and depressing and yet will quietly fade into the background when everything gets too intense and too much. She is an incredible blessing to all our lives and we are all so grateful to be celebrating a life that is so much better for the 13 years she’s been an integral part of it.
making some special cupcakes to celebrate your 12th birthday tomorrow, cakes to make up for you having to celebrate your last birthday at GOSH with M and without a cake. The ingredients are bought and hiding at the back of the cupboard, so maybe I’ll have the chance to bake them for you for Christmas because instead I’m over 100 miles and 3 hours travel time away from you.
instead we’ll be watching via FaceTime to see what goodies you’ve received with our fingers crossed that our cards have arrived from London in time.