As a parent, we all go through that experience of self-doubt and belief that we’re doing it all wrong. As a parent of an unique child, a child with unexpected needs, that self-doubt is part of your every waking moment. You begin to wonder if it’s something that you did, right or wrong, that has led to the position you find yourself in.
A good friend recently sent Mike and me a link to this wonderful blog post that really spoke to her, and our, hearts. Through it I discovered the truth that I have children with super powers, rather than with special needs.
We all know that it’s not easy being a parent and when you add into that mix an illness or condition or special need for your child, you rapidly begin to wonder why. Almost every day I question why M has this condition. Is it something I did, or didn’t do during my pregnancy? Is it faulty genetics on my side, or on MIke’s, that have led to these problems? Could I have done anything to change the outcome that my boy has to live with? Of course, the answer is no. He is who he is and who God made him. I don’t have the answers as to why his life has been so medically complicated and why he continues to have to fight a daily battle for good health, but I also can’t live my life playing the blame game.
I struggle when talking to expectant Mums who are holding forth that they don’t mind whether they have a boy or a girl as long as the baby is healthy. I remember saying the same thing myself, so why is it that that wasn’t the card we got dealt? I smile and nod and bite my tongue, because I can’t promise that for them that’ll be their experience. I hope it is, I really do, but I know that there are no guarantees in life. We are the exception to that rule.
During a recent conversation, I was asked whether I wished I could turn the clocks back and make different decisions to those I made 10 years ago. I didn’t have to stop and think because I know the answer. No. The mountains may be high and treacherous, but the view from the top is amazing and my answer is no. The valleys can be dark and bleak, but the sunshine reaches down and touches those darkest of places and the answer is no. I may get knocked down far more times that I thought possible and struggle to get back up and keep on with the fight, but my answer is still no. I would love for life to be easier for both M and G, I wish for their medical problems to disappear in a heartbeat, but I love them and I love being a parent to children with super powers, even if the going is sometimes really, really tough.